HUMOUR · LITERATURE · MUSING · RELIGION · SARCASM

Ode to Lucifer

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Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest.com

O, Lucifer, Prince of Darkness!

Many art the works of thine hands

That mortals have ignored through the aeons.

Wherefore art thou to claim thy works?

I shall speak for you, Prince of the Underworld!

 

‘On the seventh day,

Satan created ovulation cramps.

They were mildly painful but, t wasn’t enow mis’ry f’r the distaff folk.

And he mused, “what m’re shouldst I doth to amerce those folk f’r being so pow’rful?”*

 

‘On the eighth day,

He created PMS.

“May they be bloated like the dead fishes of the Tigris and Euphrates!

Melancholy like a shroud will be draped around them during these days.”

When he was done, he laughed in Demonia* and felt it wasn’t enough.

 

‘On the ninth day, he declared:

“Let their moods vacillate between extremes.

Since they have an affinity with the moon and its cycle,

Let them have an affinity with the ocean.”

And he created mood swings.

Women became like the ocean; raging one minute, placid, the next

 

‘On the tenth day,

He created diabolical cramps that felt like agony.

Every month, he made womankind feel pain that could be compared to a cudgel being driven into their bodies through their vaginas.

The pain wracked women

From their hair follicle

To their toe cuticle!

He delighted that every month, womankind was in the throes of pain

Yet, he wasn’t sated.

 

‘On the eleventh day he conspired with God

The same way he colluded with God about Job

And he tempted the woman to eat the apple.

When she had eaten it, God pronounced:

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;

With painful labour you will give birth to children”.’

 

Thank you, God for the pains of childbirth.

Thanks for also saying our husbands will rule over us.

How else do you contain the “enemy” if not by making them… lesser?

You had to ask the devil to do Your dirty job!

Before Machiavelli, indeed, You lived!


 Demonia is a word the I coined to refer to as “Demonic language.”

Distaff means women or anything related to women.

“But it wasn’t enough misery for the women folk”

“What more should I do to punish them for being so powerful?”

 

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