Monthly Archives: January 2017

What I Do On Sundays

Sunday is the first and best day of the week. Oh! I love Sundays.

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Instead of wasting my time going out to places where people peddle false hope, I love to be at home taking it easy. Truly, how do you expect me to waste my precious time listening to things like this? Continue reading


Redefining Home: Where is Home?

Home is not always geographical – it is emotional, too.

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The dictionary definition of home is “the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.”

But “four walls don’t make a home.”  Continue reading

Regrets and Hopes

“One day the river will overflow.

And there’d be no where for us to go.

And we would run wishing we had put out the fire.”

Asa’s Fire on the Mountain.

November 2052

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IN HER FINAL days, Nelo used to tease me saying I would have her close by if I poured her ashes to serve as manure for the mango tree we had planted earlier this year. That fantasy never materialised into reality – her siblings crushed my dreams to dust as they thumbed through the pages of Holy Scripture to say cremation was sinful.

Continue reading

Protecting Yo’sef

Hey, sweetheart! I got tea for you.

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Once upon a time, I was in my room trying to finish up some work.

“My baby,” my ma did not even knock. Nigerian mothers do not knock -they enter your room. Ma did not let me vent before she continued, “Father says he wants to see you?”

I be like,  Continue reading

How to Save Nigeria

NIGERIANS are not angry enough. Maybe we are angry, but we are channelling our anger at the wrong people.

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Get angry with the president and agree not to vote PDP, APC, or any other repackaging/form they’d take in 2019.

Get angry with the NASS for not passing the right bills to move the country forward.  Continue reading

Why I Hate, Hate, Hate Religion

(Sips vodka) Okay, “hate” is a strong word. I loathe, detest, abhor religion. I have biases like everyone and I manage to keep them to myself. Nevertheless, I can’t keep this beef I have against religion to myself. No, no… I can’t respect a belief system that hurts people.

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(Sips more vodka) If this would help, I had a frank conversation with a priest and he admitted two things about religion. Continue reading

Slandering Men (2): Men are Wussies

I think I should make this a series on “Slandering Men”… Here is the first part. Yea, I’m just going to slander men. This is really libel, but I love “slander” – it rhymes with “scandal”.

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I’d have written “Men are Pussies”, but I remembered the “Power of the Pussy”. The pussy bleeds for like… err… sixty days in a year and it can being forth life. That is powerful, right?

(Takes a moment to bask in pussy power.)
Continue reading