The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (1): Femmes

(If you are reading this, I assume you know what these words – stud, stemme, and femme – mean.)

Being femme is not just about appearance, it is behavioural, too. Femmes embrace almost everything feminine as defined by patriarchy – all those heteronormative attributes: soft, gentle, sweet. A typical stud is easily drawn to femmes. Like moth and light. But there are buts, because some femmes do not want anything romantic to do with studs. They be like, “It would be too obvious that we are dating.”

Here are the hustles listed below:

  1. Invisibility

Invisibility hurts, especially when you did not choose it. With all that girlie happening around femmes, one can’t easily tell if you are queer or not. It is a wonder femmes end up with girlfriends. Praise Jesus for social media. You literally have to approach women, and move your own market.

The stress!
  1. Not Taken Seriously

People be like, “You just have not met the right guy.” Like, really? Really, really? And there is that guy who believes he had magical dick. “I will make you straight.”

Image result for nene leakes memes

  1. You’re too cute to be gay

What does that even mean?

  1. Unfortunate questions

When your girl is also femme like you, people would ask, “Who is the guy in your relationship?” They do not understand that you could have dated a guy if you wanted a guy. When your girl is a stud, they ask, “Are you sure you do not want to be with a guy?”

“My destiny in life is not to respond to unfortunate question.”


  1. People wonder why you are girlie

The thing is that most people think lesbians want to be men, and so, they assume lesbians dress like men. The truth is that there are tomboys who are neither lesbian nor bisexual. They are man-lovers and man-fuckers. In the same vein, there are very feminine women who are lesbians. It happens.

“Is that so? I can’t be feminine again?”
  1. Guys ask you for threesomes

Same guys that claim to be homophobic would ask you for threesomes. Like, warrisalldis?

  1. People make assumptions

People be like, a guy hurt you, and so, you decided to be a lesbian. Like, you do not choose sexual orientation, you know? Same way you did not choose your skin colour, or date of birth. You do not decide to be queer.

  1. People think your girlfriend is your sister

“Are you guys sisters?” If that question were drops of water, you would have an ocean! You just want to clap at them, “She is my girl ooo!”It is more interesting when guys hit on you two when together.

“Not today, Satan.”
  1. Potential lovers think you are passive in bed

Like, no! No! No! How do you just stereotype someone, call them pillow princesses, just because of how they look?

  1. Beef

Woke queer women would wonder why you are keying into heteronormative behaviour as prescribed by patriarchy. You just want to scream at them, “Sister, not everything is political.”

Haha! So there goes! The hustle is real. There are others, but these seem to be basic issues.

2 thoughts on “The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (1): Femmes

  1. Androgyny. Yes, that more fitting a word to use to describe me. It takes a closer look at character to see that multilayer part of me. Good write up but a bit biased. Noting the male folks were left hanging out to dry.


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