Uganze decided to die on October 13th. Unlike other days, she felt a warm, twisted sort of happiness – it might have been fulfilment – when the sharp, rude alarm tone of her phone belligerently yanked her out of sleep. Albeit awake, she shut her eyes and took a deep, long breath, clearing her windpipe and filling her lungs till it ached. A small smile danced on her lips, forming creases on both sides of her mouth. She exhaled and stretched lazily like a lithe cat.
Grrrn! Grrrn!! The alarm tone had begun to irritate her. Gladly, that would be the last time it would wake her from sleep. She scrambled to the other side of the bed and picked the phone from the top of the bedside locker. 07:30 AM. She read to herself, smiled as if she had a secret with her phone, and swiped on the screen to disable the annoying sound. Knowing she was going to die on her terms, putting an end to her life-long misery, gratified her. Continue reading
“I choose to be Muslim,” an ex-Christian Nigerian says.
This person has exercised choice, not freewill.
This one is for studs. (I heard the difference between “stud” and “butch” is race.) I assume you already know what it means to be stud or butch. Here are the hustles listed below.
- “I can’t draw gen. We’ll have to wait for her to come over.” Your girlfriend and other girl friends believe you are some sort of handyman. Just when you thought y’all were all women. Why is life so hard?
There are so many bitter people in the world, and gladly, this tendency is heightened on social media. Like really, people are so fucking bitter. Your happiness irritates them. They just want to vomit on their phones or whatever device they use in accessing the internet.
(If you are reading this, I assume you know what these words – stud, stemme, and femme – mean.)
Being femme is not just about appearance, it is behavioural, too. Femmes embrace almost everything feminine as defined by patriarchy – all those heteronormative attributes: soft, gentle, sweet. A typical stud is easily drawn to femmes. Like moth and light. But there are buts, because some femmes do not want anything romantic to do with studs. They be like, “It would be too obvious that we are dating.”
Do people text you out of the blues with the overreaching assumption that you like them? You stare at the wall like, “Really?”
This is how they do it:
“Hi, xup.” (Just look at the friendliness!)
“Hello good morning. How do you do?” Continue reading