“Pain is constant; suffering is optional.”
I first came across that statement in November 2018. Considering how my mind was fucking with me, I reckon this message was timely… at the time. One thing led to another, and I was able to escape that mental space where I was wondering if living on this Earth plane had any point. I learnt there will always be some form of pain in human existence. From Buddhist texts, I learnt pain ceases with the cessation of desire. Plot twist: what do we call the desire to not desire anything? Aha! There will always be pain.
The Nature of Pain
Pain is.
There is this neutrality about pain. It is neither here nor there. It could even be pleasure. Hence, it’s safe to say a pain and pleasure are one and the same. (One person hates the sting of a whip; another person embraces it.)
If you choose to ignore pain to an extent, you don’t suffer. This is because suffering is a response/reaction to pain.
Suffering and Its Subtleties
Suffering, this reaction/response to a perceived state of discomfort, manifests itself as all forms of stress, challenges, trials, and the likes.
Suffering, when we examine it in all fairness, is necessary. However, do we have to experience all the suffering there is out there? Remember: suffering is a response to a perceived state of discomfort. Perception is key.
If it depends on perception, it means there can be some form of intentionality in choosing what pain to suffer.
There are several quotes on suffering and pain, but let’s work with these three:
“Whether we like it or not, change comes, and the greater the resistance, the greater the pain.” ~ Alan Watts.
“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.” – Viktor Frankl.
From Watts’s take, I realise fighting pain in itself heightens suffering.
Frankl, like Nietzsche, supports the notion that we should be able to find meaning in suffering as a way to cope with pain.
What Intentional Suffering Means
We can avoid stress. However, we should welcome challenges. Stress is stupid suffering. Challenge is intentional suffering. How can we grow and have a balanced human experience without suffering? After all, “it takes pressure to turn rocks into diamonds”. Fire purifies gold.
For me, as a rule of thumb is this: if suffering does not contribute to my development, I avoid and reject and banish it, regardless of the form it might take – a person, a place, a situation, etcetera.
In avoiding things that don’t contribute to your development, you find yourself picking your battles and fighting them gracefully.
Intentional suffering means gracefully navigating through your challenges in order to become a better you.
My definition of intelligence is this: The ability of an organism to make its experiences beautiful and graceful. I can’t say I’m intelligent, yet I haven’t come up with ways to cut out unnecessary suffering from my life.
Intentional suffering means knowing when to let go of certain things, people, places, desires, ideas, etc.
Intentional suffering means being kind to yourself, loving yourself, and respecting yourself.
Intentional suffering means to understand when to stop fighting the water and allowing yourself to float.
Intentional suffering means you can “avoid stress that has not come to you”. (That’s a line from the Bhagavad Gita, from Krishna to Arjuna.)
This means being calculating and discerning about what you allow into you sphere of awareness. What am are you willing to accommodate? It’s not cowardice, neither is it weakness, to avoid situations you have no business experiencing. It is wisdom.
Intentional suffering means you understand that there will always be pain, but you can choose the ones you want to suffer, because at the end of the day, the way we view and process situations determine whether we see them as challenges or stresses.
Another rule of thumb: challenges makes you grow; stress dim your glow.
If that “sufferation” will not amount to anything positive in your life, release it!
When we choose our suffering with wisdom, we save ourselves time and energy. I like to think of it as a boss move.
What is life without tests? Everyone is learning a lesson, you know? Situations are bound to test us, so we can realise aspects of ourselves we didn’t know existed. Like Eleanor Roosevelt expressed, you don’t know how strong tea is until it is steeped in hot water.
So yea, this 2023, I promised myself to be more intentional about the suffering I allow myself to experience. I mean, life is short. No one should waste time drinking from a cup that isn’t theirs.
Shades of Cisi 