HUMOUR

Types of People in a Facebook or Whatsapp Groupie

Ah! A social media groupie could be an awful delight – it is awful; it is delightful. You probably belong to one.  Different sorts of people make up a groupie. Here they are:

  1. The IDGAFs ( I Don’t Give A Fuck)

These are the people you call “ghosts”. They are like monitoring spirits. They are probably not reading the messages in the group. Or maybe they are, but they just do not give a flying fuck. The despicable fuckers!

Image result for gif of fuckers Continue reading “Types of People in a Facebook or Whatsapp Groupie”

Advertisements
LITERATURE

Death Date

Image result for black woman feeling sad

 

Uganze decided to die on October 13th. Unlike other days, she felt a warm, twisted sort of happiness – it might have been fulfilment – when the sharp, rude alarm tone of her phone belligerently yanked her out of sleep. Albeit awake, she shut her eyes and took a deep, long breath, clearing her windpipe and filling her lungs till it ached. A small smile danced on her lips, forming creases on both sides of her mouth. She exhaled and stretched lazily like a lithe cat.

Grrrn! Grrrn!! The alarm tone had begun to irritate her. Gladly, that would be the last time it would wake her from sleep. She scrambled to the other side of the bed and picked the phone from the top of the bedside locker. 07:30 AM. She read to herself, smiled as if she had a secret with her phone, and swiped on the screen to disable the annoying sound. Knowing she was going to die on her terms, putting an end to her life-long misery, gratified her. Continue reading “Death Date”

HUMOUR

The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (2): Studs

This one is for studs. (I heard the difference between “stud” and “butch” is race.) I assume you already know what it means to be stud or butch. Here are the hustles listed below.

  1. “I can’t draw gen. We’ll have to wait for her to come over.” Your girlfriend and other girl friends believe you are some sort of handyman. Just when you thought y’all were all women. Why is life so hard?
    Image result for meme of surprised black woman
    “I am scandalised!”

    Continue reading “The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (2): Studs”

HUMOUR

The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (1): Femmes

(If you are reading this, I assume you know what these words – stud, stemme, and femme – mean.)

Being femme is not just about appearance, it is behavioural, too. Femmes embrace almost everything feminine as defined by patriarchy – all those heteronormative attributes: soft, gentle, sweet. A typical stud is easily drawn to femmes. Like moth and light. But there are buts, because some femmes do not want anything romantic to do with studs. They be like, “It would be too obvious that we are dating.”

Continue reading “The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (1): Femmes”