Labels are restrictive. Because a woman identifies as feminist, we are shocked when she says she is Christian or Muslim. We know these religions are extremely misogynistic. But if we consider it, we would realise that God is love. God is just. Human beings wrote these religious texts, and as such, they were bound to write things in their favour. How many people know you can be feminist and sift away the misogyny written by annoying men in order to focus on God? Yes, you can cherry-pick the bible, on the grounds you are not hurting anyone. Also, God is too big for any group to have the perfect idea of Her/Him/It.
Continue reading “Labels Are Dumb”
(I first published this on Bella Naija)
Menelaos Apostolou in his “ground-breaking” “magnum opus” declared that female queerness is an evolutionary trait. “A lot of men indicate a desire to have a partner who also experience same-sex attraction,” Apostolou said to IBTimes UK. He went on: “These kinds of sexual traits are more instinctive. It is a mechanism that has been selected to serve a purpose – to make you reproduce. (…) My argument in the paper is this: A considerable proportion of men desire same-sex attractions in women, and this is one possible reason why many women have such attractions.” He carried out this wonderful, brilliant “research” interviewing 1,509 hetero males and zero queer women.
Continue reading Selective Homophobia Is the New Homophobia
(I originally published this on Bella Naija)
Over time, I have had different conversations with homophobic people. Their homophobia is valid, because they do not understand what it means when people have a different sexuality. The human psyche fears that which it does not understand. Fear happens when we feel something poses a threat to us. We confront it or we escape it – fight or flight. In our bid to fight, we get hostile.
Continue reading Frequently Asked Questions on Sexuality
(This was originally published on HOLAAfrica.org)
Helen’s right eye twitched when Amaka rushed ahead of her to open the restaurant door. It twitched some more when her date pulled out the chair for her when they arrived at their table. Amaka style, which today consisted of a pair of skinny jeans with a black leather jacket, did not bother Helen. In fact, she found Amaka’s boyish swagger charming; however, her chivalrous gestures sent of an alarm in her head.
Continue reading Sister, Who Is the Girl in Your Relationship?
For someone who has been to a nightclub once (I am not counting the day I went to a karaoke/club/bar and ended up getting lap dances from annoyingly sweaty women), I have a lot to say about nightclubs.
Continue reading Nightclubs Suck! (Why Night Clubs Are Problématique As Fuck)
The ambience of the high-ceilinged, beige and orange coloured walls of Levi’s pulls you in, and wraps you in a kind of comfort and warmth you cannot explain. The opening piano notes of Journey’s Open Arms plays softly from the speaker, while you look around the large space in search of your date. Everyone talks at the same time in hush tones, and you imagine you are standing close to a beehive. Earlier in the day, she called to tell you she made a reservation for two. Within few seconds, your gaze falls on her. She is sitting at a table in the middle of the hall. Reflexively, you clench your fist, thereby digging your nails into the middle of your palm. Your breath catches, as you exhale in little puffs. Until recently, wearing your skin was a chore you loathed with intensity. This made you averse to attention or anything that would draw attention to you. It had taken being ensconced in a sorority of several women like you, several months of hanging out with them, and many nights of self-therapy via introspection to embrace yourself and grow into you. One of the women, Luisa – a psychologist with a private practice, who was pivotal in your journey to self-acceptance, told you that hating yourself was a pointless sport. “You have been stuck with yourself, in your body, for how many years now? Thirty-three? You will be stuck in this body for many years to come. It only makes sense you forgive yourself for not being the ideal self you have in your head. It is about time you start loving yourself.” Continue reading (Short Story, Fiction) Unfixable
Once upon a time, a very close friend and I were at a live show Somewhere-On-Lagos-Island. A woman was performing with a band, singing her heart out, and mesmerising the audience with her voice. Minutes into the show, the band started another number. Lady Singer stepped down from the stage and walked towards the tables. “I want a guy to sing this song to me,” she said in a cutesy voice (the kind of voice a child would use in telling her older brother to buy her a cone of ice cream on his way back home from work), as a big grin materialised on her face.
Continue reading Dissecting the Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act