The Law of No Absolutes and Labelling One’s Self

When identifying with labels, it is important we create room in those boxes so that we can easily move around. One way or another, a particular label has a way of clashing with other labels we identify with. Your label as a daughter could conflict with your label as a sister.

Selective Homophobia Is the New Homophobia

(I first published this on Bella Naija)

Menelaos Apostolou in his “ground-breaking” “magnum opus”  declared that female queerness is an evolutionary trait. “A lot of men indicate a desire to have a partner who also experience same-sex attraction,” Apostolou said to IBTimes UK. He went on: “These kinds of sexual traits are more instinctive. It is a mechanism that has been selected to serve a purpose – to make you reproduce. (…) My argument in the paper is this: A considerable proportion of men desire same-sex attractions in women, and this is one possible reason why many women have such attractions.” He carried out this wonderful, brilliant “research” interviewing 1,509 hetero males and zero queer women.

Frequently Asked Questions on Sexuality

(I originally published this on Bella Naija)

Over time, I have had different conversations with homophobic people. Their homophobia is valid, because they do not understand what it means when people have a different sexuality. The human psyche fears that which it does not understand. Fear happens when we feel something poses a threat to us. We confront it or we escape it – fight or flight. In our bid to fight, we get hostile.

Dissecting the Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act

Once upon a time, a very close friend and I were at a live show Somewhere-On-Lagos-Island. A woman was performing with a band, singing her heart out, and mesmerising the audience with her voice. Minutes into the show, the band started another number. Lady Singer stepped down from the stage and walked towards the tables. “I want a guy to sing this song to me,” she said in a cutesy voice (the kind of voice a child would use in telling her older brother to buy her a cone of ice cream on his way back home from work), as a big grin materialised on her face.

How LGBTQ+ Rights Intersect with Feminism (1): Lyrics From “Yentl” (1983)

Yentl (1983) explains how LGBTQ rights are interwoven with feminism. Barbra won a Golden Globe for “Best Director” for this movie in 1984. Yes, she directed, sang, acted, co-produced, and co-screenplayed. This movie meant something to her, and she poured herself into it.

On this post, I’ll share lyrics of two songs from Yentl. To explain how sex/gender and sexuality are interwoven, I will write a review. This is a forerunner to that post. This would give the review some “perspective”.

Here is the first song – No Wonder, and I would love you to read the lyrics. If you can, please, watch the Youtube clips of the movie I have shared.

The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (3): Stemmes

Just when you thought the people of the world would not narrow your transcendent self via labels and labeling, they came up with “stemme”. First time I heard the word, I was like:

“What the flying fuck?!!”

What to Do When You Have a Girl Crush (For Women, Of Course)

As a public service, I have decided to write this.

“Oh, my God! Cisi, you won’t believe who talked to me today?” My friend literally screamed at me, as though she was screaming at someone about to disembowel her. Such a fucking drama queen.

In a dry tone, and a forced smile threatening to tear my face into two unequal halves, I asked, “Who?” I might have hooted.

And that was how this friend of mine launched into a one-million-word spiel about a woman she met. Eventually, she asked, “Do you think she likes me? I like her lots.”

Types of Lesbians

(Authors Note: Please, this is not a witch hunt. )

Like vodka, lesbians come in different flavours. One day, it crossed my mind to write about different types of lesbians. This is a guide – yes, see it as a guide – to understand what you feel you should understand. Here goes:

The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes (1): Femmes

(If you are reading this, I assume you know what these words – stud, stemme, and femme – mean.)

Being femme is not just about appearance, it is behavioural, too. Femmes embrace almost everything feminine as defined by patriarchy – all those heteronormative attributes: soft, gentle, sweet. A typical stud is easily drawn to femmes. Like moth and light. But there are buts, because some femmes do not want anything romantic to do with studs. They be like, “It would be too obvious that we are dating.”

Women and Orgasms…

This started out as a joke between my close pal and me. Women tend to be prudes when it comes to sex. Truly, what is shocking about sex? It is like food, you know… It is mandatory!